Igniting Positive Change
Our peers can be a very valuable source of coaching support. This article suggests setting up peer coaching networks and has a really useful checklist of coaching questions to work through to aid decision-making and problem solving.
Read the full article here: How to Get Your Team to Coach Each Other – HBR
Have you ever had the nagging feeling that something is out of synch in your life? That somehow you don’t feel as if you can really be you – be it at work or in your personal life? And that you have struggled to make a decision because it does not feel right, possibly settling reluctantly for a situation or a course of action because you could not identify what actually was right for you?
I have had to face up to that uncomfortable feeling several times in my life so far (and I suspect it will happen again as time goes by…). In every case, I eventually felt as if I was a character in someone else’s movie, looking at myself from a distance and not recognising the real me any longer. Not a pleasant place to be in at all!
But even when you do realise that something is not quite right, it’s not always easy to identify where the disconnect is coming from.
I’d like to share a simple exercise with you that you can use to help you better understand what gives you meaning in your life, to help you pinpoint areas of friction, and as a result perhaps allow you to make better choices for yourself.
Find a quiet moment, grab a pen and a piece of paper and work through the following steps:
Step 1: Reflect on your values. Take a step back and reflect on what is important to you in life. Remind yourself of your values, and your strengths. List all of them.
You might identify freedom and flexibility, or the opposite, safety and reliability as your values. You might discover that you value honesty, or creativity, positivity, family or interpersonal relationships. Whatever it is, it’s important to be honest with yourself and identify what gives YOU – not anyone else around you – meaning in your life.
Write down everything that you can think of that is important to you in terms of values and how you like do things. Take your time … it’s key that you get this right.
If you struggle to think through your values on your own, you can also use an established tool to get you started. I like the VIA survey of character strengths questionnaire (you can find it here) that was developed within the positive psychology framework and acts as a starting point for many of the tools and techniques that aim to help people flourish in their lives.
If you’d like to take a more strengths-based approach you could take the Strengthsfinder 2.0 survey. I find this one particularly helpful in the context of work and career.
Step 2: Identify the roles you play in your professional life and your personal life. Most likely you will play multiple roles in your career and in your personal life. Following the model of the German psychotherapist and coach, Bernd Schmid (1990/2002), you can break out the areas of your life into three distinct areas: career/occupation, professional, and personal.
It’s easiest if you visualise this step, so draw three sections on your paper with each heading above. Then fill out each section.
For instance, you might have professional qualifications that are not part of your current occupation, so make a note of these in two separate buckets. I studied psychology (professional qualification), but worked in Human Resources for many years (career/occupation). In your personal life, you might be a mother, father, stepmother or -father, husband, wife, son, daughter, friend, athlete, voluntary worker and so on. Make a note of these in the third section.
You might be surprised to see how many different roles you play in your life!
Step 3: Compare your roles and your values. You might have already started thinking about this as you made a note of the various roles you play in your life: are your values and strengths aligned in all areas of your life? Can you identify any areas of conflict? Are there any areas of your life where you are trying to be (or do) something that doesn’t really work for you?
This part of the exercise might be tough for you if you are forcing yourself to face up to realities that you would rather not know. But remember, what you do with this knowledge is up to you – you might decide you don’t want to change anything for the moment, and you might take stock and decide to set a new course for your life.
In my case, I realised that my daily job in HR did not allow me to do enough of the things that I loved most. I had sensed it for a while, but it was not until I took the Strengthsfinder 2.0 survey which showed me that my strengths were not as important in my current role as I needed them to be, that it all clicked into place for me. And here I am some months later, doing what I love!
And now what? Now it is up to you! You might find that everything is wonderfully in synch and you really don’t need to change anything. You might find that by making some small adjustments, you can find ways to give your values more importance in your life. Or you might find that you want to make some big changes – in which case you might want to talk it through with someone, and get some additional support. The choice is yours!
Have a great week!
Best,
Sarah
The main reason why a person would come to a coach for help is because they find themselves going around in circles with a problem that they are unable to solve themselves. Most likely they have already spent a lot of time thinking about the problem, discussing it with friends and family, and they have still not found a solution that they feel comfortable with.
As a coach then, we have a high bar to meet when previous attempts at change have been unsuccessful: helping our client unlock their inner resources in order to clarify the issue, and helping them take first steps in the direction that is right for them.
There are a number of basic errors coaches can make, especially when inexperienced, and in some cases these might prevent your client from making progress. It helps to be aware of these so that you can check your coaching style. I’ve summarised five mistakes that I have observed in myself and others during the learning process – hopefully you can avoid making these yourself!
1) Don’t judge the client. As a coach you will be confronted with many many different stories, and your natural reaction will be to have an opinion. However: expressing your opinion about the situation is not helpful for the client. They will have plenty of friends and family members with opinions about their situation. You should also refrain from guiding your client in a particular direction based on your view of the situation. The coach needs to be a neutral, respectful person with whom the client feels safe – and they will not feel safe if they feel judged and it may hinder your client in their ability to judge what is best for them. You also don’t want your client to become dependent on your approval, so even praising them for their actions could be the wrong thing to do. Use your judgment!
2) Don’t tell the client what to do. You might come across a situation in which the solution is blindingly obvious to you. But – your role as a coach is not to offer solutions to the client – we need to empower our clients to find solutions that work for them. In a sense, you are the expert for the tools and the process, and the client is the expert for themselves and what is right for them. Some techniques require making suggestions in the format of hypotheses (e.g. Roger’s person centred approach), but this requires the coach presenting hypotheses in such a way that the client can reflect on the suggestions and easily reject them if not appropriate. Needless to say, this requires a lot of practice on the part of the coach!
If you are aware of resources that might be helpful for your client, say a certain website, or institution, then of course you can tell them about it. Step out of your coaching role for a moment by saying “May I share some information that might help you” or something along those lines.
3) Don’t try to fill silences. Use silence as a tool. Some clients do their best work in their head, not talking, especially after you have just asked them a particularly relevant question. Bear with your client, respect the fact that they are considering your question, and are working through it. Don’t try to follow up immediately with another question. If the client didn’t understand your question, they will ask you to repeat it.
4) Don’t get complicated. As a coach, you are trying to create an environment in which your client can focus on themselves and their change process. When you ask layered or multi-faceted questions, or use complicated words or sentences, the client is forced to spend a lot of time thinking about what exactly you mean. Time is wasted in which you actually want them to spend thinking about their problem and how to solve it. Keep communication simple and say what you mean in a clear and concise way.
5) Don’t make jokes. At least not until you have the basics right. Humour is really a double-edged sword. While humour can be useful to create a relaxed atmosphere, if you don’t get the tone right, you risk offending or belittling your client, or simply confusing them. Until you know your client well, and you are well-versed in all the other tools coaching has to offer, steer away from joking about the client’s situation.
Overall a friendly, respectful and neutral approach will most likely yield the best results for your client. Have you noticed other coaching errors, either as a client or a practitioner? Do leave a comment below – I’d love to learn from your experience!
All the best,
Sarah
I bet you’ve at least once in your life felt the need to change something, only to find that although the theory sounded great, you actually weren’t quite there yet. Not quite ready to let go and embark on a new adventure. And then at some point, something tipped the balance, and off you went.
I’d been thinking for a few years about doing my own thing, dreaming about working for myself and spending my working days doing what I wanted to do, but the advantages of corporate life seemed to outweigh the advantages of self-employment. During the past year of my corporate life however, I became really disillusioned with my job, but it was not until I picked up a book that showed me an alternative way of living my life that I actually handed in my notice. I had finally overcome my own resistance to changing my life.
Resistance comes in many shapes and forms – fear, defensiveness, avoidance, excuses and so on. There are lots of reasons why we might be reluctant to change, but we often don’t fully realise why or have a plan to help us through the transition process.
I am a big fan of the change equation. The change equation can really help you think through where you are in your transition process today, and where you might want to focus your energy. It looks more complicated than it is – so I won’t share that with you until I’ve explained!
Essentially it says that to tip the balance to overcome our own resistance to change, we need to be dissatisfied with the status quo, have a vision of a positive future state, and take some first steps in the direction of the vision. As you can see, quite a lot has to happen before you are ready to quit the old, and embrace the new!
Use the questions below to start unravelling your personal situation and decide how best to move ahead.
* Dissatisfaction with status quo: Becoming aware of what is not working for you in your current situation will help mobilise your internal resources to push for change. When it becomes unacceptable to remain in the current situation, you will find more energy to work through the change.
Ask yourself: How unhappy are you with the current situation? What are the risks of continuing what you are doing today? What elements of the situation today are you most dissatisfied with?
* Positive Vision of the Future: Painting a realistic picture of a more positive future as well as allowing yourself to dream will give you something to work towards and to remind you why it is worth putting in the effort.
Ask yourself: If you change your situation, where could you be one month, one year, 5 years from now? What would your ideal future look like – what would you do differently? What are the advantages of changing what you are doing today?
* First steps: Until you get going you won’t believe that it is really possible. Even by taking baby steps you can get closer to your goal, and with every step you take, you will gain the confidence to take another step… and before you know it, your own resistance to change will have melted away!
Ask yourself: What are the first 3 goals you can set yourself? Who can help you change (there is no need to do it all alone)? What will you do, and when, in order to start moving in the right direction? How can your strengths and talents help you with your first few steps?
Once these three elements weigh more heavily than your reluctance to change, great things will begin to happen…. as I found out myself! So which one of the three will you think about today?
Oh, and here is the formula to pin on your fridge as a daily reminder 🙂
Have a great week!
Sarah
In our work life today, we are used to delivering solutions to problems as quickly as possible. As a result, when we are asked for help by an employee or colleague, we jump right in and offer solutions. Of course, depending on the situation, offering an immediate answer might be the right thing to do. But actually, would it not be even better to help the person learn how to approach the problem so they are able to solve a similar situation by themselves the next time round?
You might not have the time for an in-depth discussion, but you can give them a couple of things to think about. Sometimes the questions are blindingly obvious, but in our quest to offer a solution ourselves, we remove the opportunity for the other person to learn. I’ve pulled together some of my favourite fast-results questions. Even asking one of the questions below as you are meeting at the water-cooler can help get closer to the solution.
In fact, I find them so effective, I even ask myself these questions when I get stuck trying to solve a problem!
1) What problem are you trying to solve? People who come asking for advice are not always as concise as we’d like them to be! This question helps distill the actual issue out of what is often a fairly lengthy explanation of what they believe the problem is. Once they know what the actual problem is – and it might be different from what they originally started out from – it becomes easier to work on next steps.
2) What is the end-state you are aiming for? Does the person actually know what they want to achieve? What kind of a solution would they be satisfied with? Knowing what situation they want to get to will help them map out their own path to get there.
3) What ideas do you have for solving the issue? Here you can explore what the person has tried already and they can brainstorm new ideas? Sometimes just asking them the question can help them come up with their own solution, or prompt them to verbalise an idea that they already had.
4) What’s stopping you implement the solution? I find this one particularly interesting – often the person will know exactly what it is they want to achieve, but find themselves blocked in one way or another. This question gets them thinking about roadblocks and how they can remove them. (Incidentally, there is a great book by Nancy Kline called “Time to Think” that outlines a process for removing blockers, which well worth a read if you want to get deeper into the topic.)
Obviously for long-lasting results and behavioural change, you would want to spend more time on the coaching process, but sometimes even 60 seconds are long enough to help a person get back on track!
I’ve only shared a few of many possible questions here and I’d love to hear from you – what is your favourite 60-second learning question?