The main reason why a person would come to a coach for help is because they find themselves going around in circles with a problem that they are unable to solve themselves. Most likely they have already spent a lot of time thinking about the problem, discussing it with friends and family, and they have still not found a solution that they feel comfortable with.
As a coach then, we have a high bar to meet when previous attempts at change have been unsuccessful: helping our client unlock their inner resources in order to clarify the issue, and helping them take first steps in the direction that is right for them.
There are a number of basic errors coaches can make, especially when inexperienced, and in some cases these might prevent your client from making progress. It helps to be aware of these so that you can check your coaching style. I’ve summarised five mistakes that I have observed in myself and others during the learning process – hopefully you can avoid making these yourself!
1) Don’t judge the client. As a coach you will be confronted with many many different stories, and your natural reaction will be to have an opinion. However: expressing your opinion about the situation is not helpful for the client. They will have plenty of friends and family members with opinions about their situation. You should also refrain from guiding your client in a particular direction based on your view of the situation. The coach needs to be a neutral, respectful person with whom the client feels safe – and they will not feel safe if they feel judged and it may hinder your client in their ability to judge what is best for them. You also don’t want your client to become dependent on your approval, so even praising them for their actions could be the wrong thing to do. Use your judgment!
2) Don’t tell the client what to do. You might come across a situation in which the solution is blindingly obvious to you. But – your role as a coach is not to offer solutions to the client – we need to empower our clients to find solutions that work for them. In a sense, you are the expert for the tools and the process, and the client is the expert for themselves and what is right for them. Some techniques require making suggestions in the format of hypotheses (e.g. Roger’s person centred approach), but this requires the coach presenting hypotheses in such a way that the client can reflect on the suggestions and easily reject them if not appropriate. Needless to say, this requires a lot of practice on the part of the coach!
If you are aware of resources that might be helpful for your client, say a certain website, or institution, then of course you can tell them about it. Step out of your coaching role for a moment by saying “May I share some information that might help you” or something along those lines.
3) Don’t try to fill silences. Use silence as a tool. Some clients do their best work in their head, not talking, especially after you have just asked them a particularly relevant question. Bear with your client, respect the fact that they are considering your question, and are working through it. Don’t try to follow up immediately with another question. If the client didn’t understand your question, they will ask you to repeat it.
4) Don’t get complicated. As a coach, you are trying to create an environment in which your client can focus on themselves and their change process. When you ask layered or multi-faceted questions, or use complicated words or sentences, the client is forced to spend a lot of time thinking about what exactly you mean. Time is wasted in which you actually want them to spend thinking about their problem and how to solve it. Keep communication simple and say what you mean in a clear and concise way.
5) Don’t make jokes. At least not until you have the basics right. Humour is really a double-edged sword. While humour can be useful to create a relaxed atmosphere, if you don’t get the tone right, you risk offending or belittling your client, or simply confusing them. Until you know your client well, and you are well-versed in all the other tools coaching has to offer, steer away from joking about the client’s situation.
Overall a friendly, respectful and neutral approach will most likely yield the best results for your client. Have you noticed other coaching errors, either as a client or a practitioner? Do leave a comment below – I’d love to learn from your experience!
All the best,
Sarah
