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An Interview with Luxembourg’s Health Minister

It was a pleasure and a privilege to speak with Luxembourg’s Minister of Health Paulette Lenert last night at the British Chamber of Commerce virtual Leadership Forum. We discussed her experience leading her team – and the country – through the pandemic. The audience and I were thoroughly inspired by the Minister’s authenticity and honesty in describing the ups and downs of the past months, and how she strives to build a safe environment in which all of her team members can come together and excel.

https://delano.lu/d/detail/news/listen-learn-lead-paulette-lenert-guiding-nation-through-global-pandemic/212119

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No Risk, No Fun?

I recently attended the German Association for Positive Psychology Research’s (Deutsche Gesellschaft für Positiv-Psychologische Forschung: http://dgppf.de) Conference at Trier University. It was a fantastic event with much food for thought. Over the next few days I will try to share some of the insights from the latest German PP research. So let’s start at the beginning…

The introductory keynote speech delivered by Professor Dr. Michaela Brohm-Badry of Trier University addressed the topic of “Risk, Happiness and Excitement”.

Professor Brohm-Badry explained how our ability to motivate ourselves is linked to our perception of the “excitement” of a task. Research exploring which games or sports events we find exciting shows that the outcome of a game must be unpredictable for it to be experienced as engaging. The risk of potential failure is the ingredient that makes it interesting. If we can easily beat our opponent, we think the game is boring; if it is too difficult, we also disengage. This also seems to be true for our inner motivation to complete various tasks. In a way, we compete against ourselves – and if the challenge is too simple or too complex, we lose interest.

We can only experience personal growth by putting ourselves outside of our comfort zone (also known as the “zone of stagnation”, I loved the visual imagery), and allowing ourselves to experience situations in which we might fail. We should be brave in pushing our boundaries, whilst not choosing tasks that generate fear since these will most likely not lead to growth.

In fact, there is a “growth zone” somewhere in the middle between boredom and fear – in which we are open-minded and will be motivated to try our new things. And try new things we should: only if we are required to test out new ideas and behaviours or approach problems from a new angle will we acquire new skills that contribute to our personal growth. And even if we make mistakes, and fail, we will learn more than others who never try anything new.

And in any case, failure is simply a matter of perception. As Thomas A. Edison famously said – “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

 

A detailed explanation of these ideas can be found the following article by Prof. Brohm-Bradry in German magazine Wirtschaftswoche: http://www.wiwo.de/erfolg/coach/glueck/wie-mut-uns-stimuliert-mach-was-womit-du-scheitern-kannst/19741370-all.html

 

 

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Overcoming the destructive power of “BUT…”

I was recently working with a client, let’s just call him Mark, who had sought me out in order to adjust to a new work situation that was impacting his work-life balance. During our sessions, we would define the coaching goal and start working on potential solutions. Mark was really dedicated to the process, spent a lot of time reflecting on his needs and generating ideas for solutions.

However something interesting happened every single time any idea or suggestion came up, regardless of how big or small the idea was. Mark immediately followed up with “but…” and then proceeded to list all the reasons why the idea would not work. In fact, this happened so often, that he picked up on it himself and it became a bit of a running joke.

Mark appeared committed to change, however just by using this little word, he was preventing himself from moving forward and actually implementing the changes we were working on. He undermined practically every idea, big or small by focussing on the “but”. Mark was essentially drawing his own attention away from the good idea to *possibly* negative outcomes. So of course he was then less convinced about following the course of action that a moment before had seemed obvious and simple.

Now Mark is far from the only client to do this, he just happens to be a recent example. Many of us have “glass-half-empty” views of the world and a tendency to dwell on the feared negative results instead of putting our energy into the positives. We are naturally risk-averse, so if our thinking style emphasizes the risks, then we can suffer from paralysis.

So what can you do to get over “but” and make changes to your life, even if you don’t really enjoy the process of change?

Set meaningful goals

Be sure that you identify a meaningful goal. Working with Mark, for example, the coaching topic evolved from “increase work-life balance”, to “get better organized” to the underlying topic “connecting with my children”. This was a profound topic for Mark and generated very different solutions than the more vague work-life balance and organizational questions. The goal and its potential positive outcomes were much more meaningful, so it was worth making the extra effort to overcome some of the fear factor and try new things out. And – wellbeing research in the field of positive psychology has identified meaning & purpose as an essential element to be able to flourish as a person, an added bonus!

Enjoy the experiment

Often the belief that the change will be an all-or-nothing experience has us quaking in our boots. It is much harder to motivate ourselves to make permanent changes than reversible ones. So a simple solution to overcome this fear is to view making a change to your usual routine and habits as an experiment and a learning experience. If the experiment works, great, then do more of it. If it doesn’t, chalk it up to learning experience and try something else. When Thomas Edison was working on his famous invention, he did not actually have one magical “lightbulb” moment, he invented many lightbulbs that did not work until he found the solution that enabled him to develop one that did. “I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”

Remember the tortoise and the hare?

Go slow to go fast. I love the idea of “babysteps” and this is one scenario where they really can work. Taking small, slow, safe steps will help you overcome the fear of change. Choose an action that is simple to complete, celebrate your success and take another small step. And then another.

Reframe with positive words

Focusing on the negatives makes the negatives come true. You get what you focus on, so if you focus on what might go wrong, you will spend less time thinking about what will go right, and how to achieve it. Also, positive emotions generate creativity and an open mind. Remind yourself of the purpose of the changes, and replace blockers like “but” with positive words like “try”, “learn” and “experiment”. Move from “never” to “one day”. Give it a try – you might be surprised how this changes your frame of mind and motivates you to get started.

Use your strengths

Figure out what you are good at, and what resources you have available to you and draw on them to help you through a change situation. Use your skills to generate new ideas, build a support network, get organized, or whatever else you need to do. Thinking of times where they have already come in handy in the past can help reduce the fear factor. And if you don’t know what your strengths are yet, these excellent questionnaires can help: the VIA Survey (free) or Tom Rath’s classic StrengthsFinder 2.0 (as a book or via Gallup Strengths Center).

Don’t give three little letters the power to stop your journey in its tracks. Thank “but” for trying to keep you out of harm’s way, however remind yourself that you are in control here, you call the shots, and above all that you have a meaningful goal that it is worth taking action for.

So what is the one small step you will take today to set you on your path towards your goals?

 

 

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When no change is the right way forward

Usually, when we think of coaching, we imagine a situation in which a person wants to achieve a goal, and works with a coach to find ways of reaching it. Going after the next great thing will make you happy. Keep on moving at all times. Makes sense, right? Well, quite honestly, I am not so sure that’s always true. A while back I read a blog post in which a coach described how they had “let go” of a client because the client was “always making excuses”. They did not want to work with someone who was not willing to change.

Which leads me to the topic of this post … but what if not changing is EXACTLY the right way forward at times? There are several situations in which the coaching process might lead you to the conclusion that, actually, changing things would not be the right thing to do.

So when might it make sense not to press on with your goals?

Situation 1) You are actually quite content with the current situation. We are often bombarded by well-meaning friends, family and ideals presented in the media that we should be aiming for the next great thing – do more exercise, take that next career step, eat an ultra-healthy diet and so on. That guilty voice is telling you that you have to makes those changes. But imagine yourself ten years down the line… if you are absolutely honest with yourself … are you actually quite happy with that picture of you curled up on the sofa with a mug of hot chocolate in your hand? Then maybe you just need to give yourself permission to enjoy living the life you are living now. Be a rebel!

Situation 2) You need to do some groundwork first. Even if you don’t like the picture you see of your future self, there may still be some things you need to work on before you can start working on achieving that goal. Perhaps there is an underlying confidence issue, perhaps you don’t yet fully see the benefits of changing, perhaps you need to learn some other skills first, perhaps you haven’t found that passion that will help you more to a new goal. It’s ok. It’s your life – you change things when you are ready. In the meantime build those new skills and work on those other areas … ultimately they most likely will lead you towards achieving other, and perhaps bigger, goals.

Situation 3) It’s just not the right time … yet. It’s happened to me a few times that I have picked up a book, tried to read it and put it away again. Five or ten years later I’ve picked up the same book again and loved it. It’s the same with change … sometimes the timing is just wrong. If that’s the case, step back, and continue doing what you always did until you hear that inner voice tell you “it’s time, I’m ready now”.

In fact, a client-centered approach will always start with the premise that you know what is right for you and your wellbeing in life, and that the coach is simply a facilitator to unlock that knowledge. So, the next time you think you need to change something, but it doesn’t quite stack up, take a step back and listen to that inner voice. If none of the identified options to take action seem to make sense to you, or indeed if your inner voice is yelling out to you to back off and let sleeping dogs lie, then perhaps you might want to follow your own advice!

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Feeling out of synch with your life? 3 questions to ask yourself today…

Have you ever had the nagging feeling that something is out of synch in your life? That somehow you don’t feel as if you can really be you – be it at work or in your personal life? And that you have struggled to make a decision because it does not feel right, possibly settling reluctantly for a situation or a course of action because you could not identify what actually was right for you?

I have had to face up to that uncomfortable feeling several times in my life so far (and I suspect it will happen again as time goes by…). In every case, I eventually felt as if I was a character in someone else’s movie, looking at myself from a distance and not recognising the real me any longer. Not a pleasant place to be in at all!

But even when you do realise that something is not quite right, it’s not always easy to identify where the disconnect is coming from.

I’d like to share a simple exercise with you that you can use to help you better understand what gives you meaning in your life, to help you pinpoint areas of friction, and as a result perhaps allow you to make better choices for yourself.

Find a quiet moment, grab a pen and a piece of paper and work through the following steps:

Step 1: Reflect on your values. Take a step back and reflect on what is important to you in life. Remind yourself of your values, and your strengths. List all of them.

You might identify freedom and flexibility, or the opposite, safety and reliability as your values. You might discover that you value honesty, or creativity, positivity, family or interpersonal relationships. Whatever it is, it’s important to be honest with yourself and identify what gives YOU – not anyone else around you – meaning in your life.

Write down everything that you can think of that is important to you in terms of values and how you like do things. Take your time … it’s key that you get this right.

If you struggle to think through your values on your own, you can also use an established tool to get you started. I like the VIA survey of character strengths questionnaire (you can find it here) that was developed within the positive psychology framework and acts as a starting point for many of the tools and techniques that aim to help people flourish in their lives.

If you’d like to take a more strengths-based approach you could take the Strengthsfinder 2.0 survey. I find this one particularly helpful in the context of work and career.

Step 2: Identify the roles you play in your professional life and your personal life. Most likely you will play multiple roles in your career and in your personal life. Following the model of the German psychotherapist and coach, Bernd Schmid (1990/2002), you can break out the areas of your life into three distinct areas: career/occupation, professional, and personal.

It’s easiest if you visualise this step, so draw three sections on your paper with each heading above. Then fill out each section.

For instance, you might have professional qualifications that are not part of your current occupation, so make a note of these in two separate buckets. I studied psychology (professional qualification), but worked in Human Resources for many years (career/occupation). In your personal life, you might be a mother, father, stepmother or -father, husband, wife, son, daughter, friend, athlete, voluntary worker and so on. Make a note of these in the third section.

You might be surprised to see how many different roles you play in your life!

Step 3: Compare your roles and your values. You might have already started thinking about this as you made a note of the various roles you play in your life: are your values and strengths aligned in all areas of your life? Can you identify any areas of conflict? Are there any areas of your life where you are trying to be (or do) something that doesn’t really work for you?

This part of the exercise might be tough for you if you are forcing yourself to face up to realities that you would rather not know. But remember, what you do with this knowledge is up to you – you might decide you don’t want to change anything for the moment, and you might take stock and decide to set a new course for your life.

In my case, I realised that my daily job in HR did not allow me to do enough of the things that I loved most. I had sensed it for a while, but it was not until I took the Strengthsfinder 2.0 survey which showed me that my strengths were not as important in my current role as I needed them to be, that it all clicked into place for me. And here I am some months later, doing what I love!

And now what? Now it is up to you! You might find that everything is wonderfully in synch and you really don’t need to change anything. You might find that by making some small adjustments, you can find ways to give your values more importance in your life. Or you might find that you want to make some big changes – in which case you might want to talk it through with someone, and get some additional support. The choice is yours!

Have a great week!
Best,
Sarah