Usually, when we think of coaching, we imagine a situation in which a person wants to achieve a goal, and works with a coach to find ways of reaching it. Going after the next great thing will make you happy. Keep on moving at all times. Makes sense, right? Well, quite honestly, I am not so sure that’s always true. A while back I read a blog post in which a coach described how they had “let go” of a client because the client was “always making excuses”. They did not want to work with someone who was not willing to change.
Which leads me to the topic of this post … but what if not changing is EXACTLY the right way forward at times? There are several situations in which the coaching process might lead you to the conclusion that, actually, changing things would not be the right thing to do.
So when might it make sense not to press on with your goals?
Situation 1) You are actually quite content with the current situation. We are often bombarded by well-meaning friends, family and ideals presented in the media that we should be aiming for the next great thing – do more exercise, take that next career step, eat an ultra-healthy diet and so on. That guilty voice is telling you that you have to makes those changes. But imagine yourself ten years down the line… if you are absolutely honest with yourself … are you actually quite happy with that picture of you curled up on the sofa with a mug of hot chocolate in your hand? Then maybe you just need to give yourself permission to enjoy living the life you are living now. Be a rebel!
Situation 2) You need to do some groundwork first. Even if you don’t like the picture you see of your future self, there may still be some things you need to work on before you can start working on achieving that goal. Perhaps there is an underlying confidence issue, perhaps you don’t yet fully see the benefits of changing, perhaps you need to learn some other skills first, perhaps you haven’t found that passion that will help you more to a new goal. It’s ok. It’s your life – you change things when you are ready. In the meantime build those new skills and work on those other areas … ultimately they most likely will lead you towards achieving other, and perhaps bigger, goals.
Situation 3) It’s just not the right time … yet. It’s happened to me a few times that I have picked up a book, tried to read it and put it away again. Five or ten years later I’ve picked up the same book again and loved it. It’s the same with change … sometimes the timing is just wrong. If that’s the case, step back, and continue doing what you always did until you hear that inner voice tell you “it’s time, I’m ready now”.
In fact, a client-centered approach will always start with the premise that you know what is right for you and your wellbeing in life, and that the coach is simply a facilitator to unlock that knowledge. So, the next time you think you need to change something, but it doesn’t quite stack up, take a step back and listen to that inner voice. If none of the identified options to take action seem to make sense to you, or indeed if your inner voice is yelling out to you to back off and let sleeping dogs lie, then perhaps you might want to follow your own advice!
